PHYSICAL CULT EMOTIONAL INSULT

My siblings and I were raised to believe that sexual purity defined maturity. Throughout my early teen my father, being the traditional African man and my mother, who is a stern Christian, always had a word or two to pass out to us about sex. The discussion was not a small matter; so imperative was it that it had its own allocated time and venue. It even had a structured seating arrangement. It never occurred to me why at that age I would be subjected to teachings about issues that I had no clue about. These teachings that my folks always took time to address to us would later on in life make sense.

In this time and age where technology has become the dominant tool for learning and new experiences, where the internet has become a source of information and transformation and live cable TV is a “must have” asset in the house, it is not surprising that the youth have become the most affected by this new discovery. In Africa the technological boom seems to have erupted without warning, taking with it many casualties. The African child had not been prepared to handle the negativity that this lustrous technology would bring with it.

Sex, sex, sex! There is a lot of sex in the atmosphere. Almost everything nowadays preaches the gospel of premarital sex; the media, the internet, music, even cartoons. It sells itself as food for the heart and soul. For the money hungry, they never seem to let opportunity pass them even if they put their own children in danger. They have made movies and written sex encyclopedias. Music is sex; naked women showing of their bodies dancing to lyrics of “we can do it from the front we can do it from the back” or “let’s make love in this club.” The irony of it is that most of these musicians are married; many of them do not practice what they preach in their music.

Premarital sex has become a lifestyle, a cult whose foundation is an abstract notion that one will find love and fulfillment, while in essence its goal is to use and lose. It is as though the dark angels of sex descended into our young generation and poured out their “immorality blessings” on them. The youth are having more sex than the married couples and they have taken it a notch higher! They do it everywhere and anywhere, as long as coitus can take place; the clubs, in cars, along alleys and even in parks. Let’s face it; premarital sex has become the in thing amongst the youth. For one to be referred to as cool they must have had sex and not just with 1 person but a number of people. But what the youth are never told are the implications of their unwarranted sexual exploits:

It does not come as a surprise that the highest numbers of HIV infected people are between the age of 15 and 35. In Africa where the largest population is the youth, we are in danger of losing the future of our civilization. At a time when 22.6million people were HIV positive by the end of 2006 and approximately 1.7million people were infected with HIV/AIDS in 2007 alone (that means that an average of 4 people contracted HIV/AIDS every minute) we should be wary of our sexual acts. These statistics show that out of every 10 people you meet there is a high probability that at least one is HIV positive. It’s not only HIV that is a beneficiary of the young people’s sex adventures but there are other STDs like syphilis, gonorrhea, genital warts, genital herpes and hepatitis A,B and C among others.

Ask yourself then, how many of those to die for, well built brothers that you drool over or all the sexy honeys that you got spending your money on are infected with at least 1 of these diseases!

I remember my father once telling us that people will always try to justify sex with flimsy excuses of emotional satisfaction and uncontrollable physical attraction yet deep within them they are unhappy and hurting, every sexual exploitation another scorching scar.

The youth seem to have fallen for the fantasy that premarital sex is an expression of love. They believe that they have the mastery of the sexual language; they want to explore the other dimension, unleash their prowess. They believe it to be a solution to all their pain and hurt, expressing themselves in a physical manner to cure emotional problems…since when was the heart cured by the body? In real sense all they do is dig deeper into their own graves. Every sexual episode always has a lifetime effect, whether in a relationship or a casual fling. It brings about attachments to the people involved. That is why one always remembers all their sexual encounters regardless of the outcome. There is no free sex; each comes with an emotional price tag and a lasting one to that effect.

As though these are not enough problems associated with sex, there is the possibility of early pregnancy. Although this may seem more inclined to affect the fairer sex, it does also have an effect on the young men. It is quite devastating, the turnaround that early pregnancy does to one’s life. Not only is it an added responsibility for both the young mother and father but it also causes emotional trauma and a sense of being a misfit especially in a world where a lot of attention is focused on people’s mishaps rather than their achievements. Even those who at one time you regarded as friends begin to distance themselves away from you. Nobody wants to be associated with the “immoral” one.

More unfortunate is the fact that the young man’s life may not come to a standstill but the young lady will have to succumb to natural forces, halt her education to go give birth and take care of the child. In cases where the mother decides to go the unethical way and abort, then there are also dire consequences to her actions. Not only is she killing a living human being, she is also placing her life in danger as she may die in the process or affect her ability to give birth in the future.

I was finally able to understand the teachings that my parents were trying to pass to me and my siblings. They did not say sex was wrong; in fact they called it a beautiful thing but only within the context of marriage. All they did was to prepare us for the life ahead, to safeguard us from the emotional damage that premarital sex carries with it into our lives. They were not “backward” as many of us would put it, all they did was to foresee the future and create a path of safety that they wanted their children to follow.

So where did the African continent go wrong? Sex is not a new issue to Africans, it is not a discovery that the African people realized after the entry of the white man into the continent. Yet within very few years the African stand towards premarital sex has lost its weight. I believe there are 2 major issues that play a big role towards the degrading moral standards of the African youth:

First and foremost, there are no longer moral standards that define the youth of this continent. We have forgotten the rich cultures that made the African child stand out as a dime for others to emulate. We have become almost obsolete in culture and discipline, we have nothing to hold onto and brand as a standard for living. We have allowed other cultures to dilute our morals with their wayward behaviour, in the name of being liberated. A liberation that has caused the continent its top brains and man power; one that has only lead to destruction and pain.

The second reason for the rise in sexual immorality is the fact that ungodliness has taken precedence in the lives of the African youth. We have become so engrossed in the things of the world that we have forgotten the most important thing in life, God. Within each one of us is a void that can never be filled by any material thing, a void that makes us search for truth of our existence and why certain things happen, a void that can only be filled by the renewal of the mind, body and soul, a void that explains existence of a super natural power. Unless we fill up this void we will always search for comfort in areas that we cannot find it, we will search for comfort in ways that will not only lead us astray but will also add up to the baggage that we are already carrying in our lives. This void can be filled by one thing only, a Supreme Being, God.

Some of us have probably indulged in sex. We have been getting down for a while it has now become a lifestyle; a big part of us we feel we cannot do without. It defines what we stand for… I mean, everybody is doing it why not me? The pleasure is too good to relinquish. Sex sums it all; it’s what we have been searching for our entire life. But have we really found in sex what we’ve been searching for? The satisfaction, the love, the recognition? Most likely we are still searching for it. Even within the sex there are still unanswered questions. We have doubts of whether the people we sleep with love us for more than just the sex. It has never felt right; there’s always a struggle within us.

Sometimes we need to look deeper into ourselves to realize who we really are and what we really stand for. Are we powerful beyond physical escapades or are we trapped in our lustful desires?

I always remember these words from my mother, “Happiness and satisfaction do not dwell in the physical; they reside within us. No amount of sex can bring happiness, for pain is not treated with pain. True happiness is in Christ Jesus.”