if i lay here

The sun is shinning high up in the sky. The day looks promising. I woke up enthusiastic. I knew that today I would make my kill. But then a question crossed my mind; what am I killing? What am I enthusiastic for? I have to find a purpose; a reason to wake up in the morning. Maybe I should, yes, I suppose I should lay here.

The wind is blowing strongly. The pregnant clouds are threatening to explode. The leaves are rustling with foreboding. The skies are sending a warning, of troubles to come. I run with the crowd, helter skelter, looking for shelter. But then I stop, and wonder out loud, why am I running? What do I expect to find? Maybe I should just lay here.

Everyone is busy carrying out one chore to the other. Nobody seems to notice that I am just moving from corner to corner. I want to be busy, I want to have chores. But the only thing I seem good at is the aimless movement. I feel lost in my own home. I want to lay here.

I am tired of this aimless moving. This purposeless searching. I am tired of trying to find that which I do not know, trying to keep that which I do not have. I am tired of moving in endless vicious circles. I want to take a rest, just sit back and watch it all go by. What if I just lay here … ….